In my previous post, I talked about how God is using me to reach other people. At the same time, God has really been using other people to break me down and get to me.
Just a few weeks ago, I was seriously struggling on figuring out how I fit in at JFC. I hung out with a lot of sophomores and juniors but I wasn’t one of them because I was a freshman. At the same time, I lived (and still do live) in a dorm that is 90% sophomores. On Saturday (last Saturday, that is), one of my junior friends, AK, invited me to go ice skating with her, a mutual sophomore friend (KW), and the university choir. Skating was so much fun, and it was so cool to see just how much more open AK became towards me through skating.
(Of course, it really helps when I’m able to open up and be “free and fun” at my second home – the skating rink)
After skating, we all went out to dinner together. It was awesome. Right before dinner, AK invited me to go watch Pride & Prejudice with her and KW later that night.
Monday was KW’s birthday, and we wanted to celebrate. AK, VDV (a junior), and I were talking about taking KW out to the Cheesecake Factory. It was already late, and I told them that I was going to Reformed Univ. Fellowship , and it’d be fine if they needed to go without me. VDV responds, telling me they’d wait on me.
It was all I could do not to cry during worship at RUF. Most people I had known before college would have said. “Okay, if you’re not back when we want to go, we’ll see you tomorrow.”
VDV, AK, and KW won’t ever realize how much that meant to me. Something so simple to them was so profound to me.
For the next two or three days, this past weekend would dwell in my head. People wanted to spend time with me and were even willing to wait on me.
My Big would see me somewhere on campus and give me a huge bear hug. My hallmates would always start a conversation with me when I went into the study room. My friends would start conversations with me on the way to class. Other friends would give me hugs in the Caf.
It’s little things, but these things have broken me down, made me reconsider everything.
Who am I? What did I do to deserve this love I’ve received from others?
Then, I went to The Room for the first time. The Room is basically a lot of worship and some teaching. It was incredible. The message for the night centered around “You are worthy.” You are worth more than a twenty-dollar bill.
I’ve heard a message like that many times before, but tonight, it really hit home.
For weeks, I couldn’t fathom why the people here were so nice, so kind and caring. They genuinely cared about other. Now, I understood why. Because people at JFC understood that people have worth. People have value. And it doesn’t matter what I do or did or will do. I have worth because I am a Creation of God.
Before I came to JFC, I “knew” this, but I didn’t really get it. As harsh as this sound, I had been treated as an object. My value was measured upon what I did, and because of past events, what I did, and therefore who I was, was never good enough.
I had told people that they were worthy, but nobody ever told me I was worthy – just as I am.
When I figured all of this out – why I didn’t trust people, why I couldn’t understand that people really cared about me, why I only had a head (as opposed to heart) knowledge about how worthy we are, and that in reality, WE ARE WORTHY – emotion overwhelmed me.
God broke me down, and I am eternally thankful for this.
Thank God the room was dark and the worship music was loud. God is sovereign and I am worthy.
And that is what makes all the difference.
Dancing in Daddy's Dust 