For most of my life, I’ve been an extrovert. I’ve been “the leader” or “the counselor” or “the one who has it all together.”
It’s funny to think that, because that’s the hard outer-shell that people and circumstances have forced around me. Maybe part of it is me, but not all of it.
So today, for one of the first times at JFC (Jesus-Freaky College for those of you who don’t remember), I made myself really vulnerable. I could tell that one of my friends, KW, wanted to ask me about my past life, because apparently, I allude to it, and the pieces of it that she knew didn’t really make much sense.
Of course they didn’t! They hardly make sense to me!
Why did I have to screw up my freshman year of high school?
Why did my parents force me to focus on grades and GPAs all the time?
Why did college matter or not matter?
Why do I not trust guys?
Why don’t we talk about religion or Jesus in my household?
I don’t have the answers. Sometimes I wish I did, but sometimes, it’s just okay that I don’t. That’s reality.
And when people ask in a private setting, I don’t really mind telling them. It’s my history and it makes me who you are.
The dirty soiled red blanket you use to cover your faults. The ripe fruit people see. It’s all you.
But in order for you to be you, you have to make yourself vulnerable. Your outer-shell may glorify God, but when you let God break you apart and when you let other people see your “messy-but-beautiful” inside, that is when God’s Glory is revealed in Its finest.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my
weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Cor. 12:9
Dancing in Daddy's Dust 